Updated: Feb 17, 2020
The past few months was struggling to find inspiration. I kept telling myself that God no longer wanted me to make art, and felt a low sense of appreciation for what He had already done for me. Until last week, I felt a weight down in my heart as to what God wanted to teach me. I felt uninspired and underappreciated by everything and everyone surrounding me. Those feelings were not a triggered by anyone's comments nor their reaction to my art. You see, I created this environment that allowed the devil to throw arrows my way to distract me from what God really wanted to do through my art. I felt surrounded, I felt like I was drowning, and I felt like giving it all up.
God, on the other hand, wanted me to care more about what he thought of me as opposed what others, and even myself, thought of me and my art. He wanted me to seek him and get closer to him. The moment that I sought him deeper, I realized that I can never give up on myself, and that my art is my own way to worship Him. God wants my worship. He wants me to seek Him. He wants me to care more about what he thinks of me.
So after a lot of inner battles, I understood that, the only way to overcome those fears of rejection and self value, would be by completely surround myself to God; all my inspiration, my time, my thoughts, everything, and all to Him.
"Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?" - Isaiah 2:22
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen"
- Jeremiah 29:11-12
This watercolor painting was made on my sketchbook on 100% Cotton paper using Paul Rubens watercolors. I took inspiration from the song Surrounded (Fight My Battles) by UPPER ROOM. The song reminded me that prayer, worship, and the Bible are my most powerful weapons.